God tell us, “For I know the plans I have for you…” (Jer. 29:11) Sometimes, it’s hard to swallow those plans. Sometimes it’s hard to see only a portion of the plan, especially when that portion is not even anything close to what you were originally thinking it would be.
God set us on a path. The path we’ve been on for the last 6 months was to mission work through LAM in Costa Rica. This last Thursday, we were informed that our original plan for a long-term stay would not be possible with our current debt situation. Due to excessive student loans, our monthly payments became too high, and in our best interest LAM did not want to send us and have us paying it off forever. Had the loan debt been as high as we originally thought (we did not add in my [Colleen’s] graduate debt) we would have been reasonably ok – I mean let’s be honest, no debt would be perfect! – but our original budget plan would’ve worked out okay.
What does this mean for us? For “our” plans? That’s the million dollar question right now. LAM offered a 1-2 year term setting up the junior high program they originally wanted Josh to set up and lead. But that leaves us with the “what happens after two years?” After everything we’ve given up and put ourselves through with moving from our house into a friends basement (who are basically family to us), I think the correct phrase to say is “we’re scared”.
You know writing this for your understanding has brought me to a deeper understanding. When the 1-2 year term proposal was made, I felt cheated and pitied. I didn’t want to accept it. Josh kept saying, “maybe this was all God wanted from us to begin with” but both of us couldn’t let our hearts believe it. Regardless, this post has made me realize that while I’m sitting here saying that I’m trusting in Jesus through this all, I really am not.
In my heart, I’ve already made my decision without even asking for His guidance. How selfish can I be? I plan to change this. We still have a few days before we meet with Erica again and give her our answer on the short term proposal. I need to be devoted in prayer over this. I need God’s wisdom and desires for our lives to shine through my own selfish, fleshly desires.
Will you pray with us as we head into this week and learn of God’s plan?
In Christ’s Love,
Colleen
