A Prayer Story

Let me tell you a story...

August 26, 2013, (although this story obviously dates back further than this, but this will be a good starting point for this chapter), C - as we'll call her for all extensive purposes - wrote out a prayer to God in reflection to Jacob's prayer in Genesis 32:9-12

Genesis 32:9-12 New International Version (NIV)

⁹ Then Jacob prayed, “O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, Lord, you who said to me, ‘Go back to your country and your relatives, and I will make you prosper,’ ¹⁰ I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two camps. ¹¹ Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children. ¹² But you have said, ‘I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.’”

C's Prayer:
"God, I feel a connection to Jacob's prayer in Genesis 32:9-12 -> is this what You desire of me? God, I'm not even sure what You have promised - did You really say we're to go to Costa Rica? I feel lost and confused, unsure of what it is you want. I feel like anytime something good comes our way, we chalk it up to You guiding us. Is that really the truth? I just want peace. I want happiness in You. Ok, let's be honest with each other ... I want you to provide me a way out. Or at least a direction if that's what You want of me - to leave here. Guidance ... that is my ultimate goal ... God, I need guidance! Please ...
I love you, Amen."

C had been struggling with her current job because she wasn't content there. It was a constant struggle because her boss was good to her and her family, going out of his way to take care of them in times of struggles. But yet C wanted something more. When C took this job she thought it'd be a short term thing. In her head, C and her husband would be in Costa Rica within a year doing Mission Work. God had a different plan for them. So this short term job turned into a full time job with lots of overtime and un-requested hours. C's family life and personal life took a major hit. She was unhappy and complacent in life (as you can read by that prayer above!) She was afraid to leave, because what could she do? She had a degree - but no experience. Who would hire that? No one would as she was told by college counselors at least. She knew her family needed her income, but slowly. she was losing it.

Over the next couple of weeks, God showed her that there was a way out. He placed certain people in her life to talk and discuss her current job situation with her and it always ended with "you need to move on". September 9, she made the final decision. It unfortunately didn't go the way she had hoped (C has never been good with confrontations of any sort - human error :D), but she was out of there. Out of there, and jobless - which also meant income-less.

Within a month's time, God had given provision to C and her family. She found a part time temp job. To which she thanked God saying:

"God,
I cannot thank You enough for Your provision in our desperate time of need. I know it's not much, but it's better than nothing. Thank You for the opportunity I have to do something I love and enjoy, but continue to watch over our needs .... Thank you again for Your love and consideration poured over my life. Amen"

She couldn't thank her Heavenly Father enough. He had given her the out she requested and then blessed her. Through the next few months, she grew and learn and garnered understanding. There were rough patches, like December, when she wasn't ever called to come in, or during January-February because of the birth of S. However, after February, God abundantly blessed C by giving her three options instead of one for the next three months. Again, she prayed on April 25:

"God, thank You for being faithful in Your promises to us. Thank you for watching over us and providing for us. I know deep down that You will always take care of me and mine, but I don't always live that out. Thank you for this reminder from Your word (Joshua 21:45, see C for detailed journal if lost :D) and for the provisions of multiple job dates next month. I love you. Amen."

Then, when it was beginning to look grim with no income over the summer, God again provided - this time a full time temp job for a month doing exactly what she had been groomed to do.

Now, the next couple weeks proved greatly distressing to C. She sent many resumes and applications out, went on a few interviews, and always was turned down. She was disappointed because she had a taste of what it was like full time and she wanted to drink it in. But, she did always have that part time temp job to lean on in a worst case scenario. When her options looked grim on the full time front, she began to search out other part time temp positions and got a few bites. Then, she got a call on Thursday, July 24.

Now C missed this call (she was sleeping, but SHHH! don't tell her husband! :D), and returned it later that day - to a voicemail. By Friday afternoon she still hadn't heard back about the interview so she thought to herself "maybe I should try again". This time when she called, she said to the office "I don't want his voicemail" and they made sure to grab him. They wanted to still interview, but they wanted to close out and make a choice, so they asked if she could still make it by 3 (mind you, it was 2 at the time). C quickly said, yes, of course - knowing her mother who she was meeting could wait on her for an interview! - but that she'd have to bring her 2 children if that was okay. He okayed it and off C, E, and S went.

*Let me give E a shout out here, because he was so amazing during this interview. He sat back and played his games and let his mom take care of her business. S, was awesome too, she slept - such a good baby lol!*

The interview seemed flawless, C's best interview yet. She remembered to talk herself up, sell herself, let him know that she was desirable in this profession. He told her he would call her on Monday by noon with the final decision.

Monday, July 28, 12 pm came and went and C hadn't heard a thing. She was frustrated, annoyed, and hurt. Why must she continue through this pain?? (C can be a bit of a baby, and sometimes may overreact to things .... it's a character flaw, but hey she's human!) C's hubby sent her to his grandma's for an early dinner and so C packed up the kids and headed over. While she was driving, she missed a call ... and a voicemail. It was the call she had been waiting for. Fumbling with her phone, she quickly returned the call, only to meet his voicemail. Knowing that last time she left it, he never got it, she called back again and asked for him directly. They patched her through to him and she was offered a full time teaching position for 7th/8th grade Communication Arts.

Yet again, God had provided for C and her family.

It's been a whirlwind of a week for C and school starts on Tuesday - yes this coming Tuesday, August 5! But man, is C ready to go!

God,
Thank You for always providing for us, even when we think the worse and we're down and out of luck. Of course, that's when we need Your provisions the most, and You seem to know what it takes to be our Savior - in more ways than just that. Thank You, thank You, THANK YOU! You are too good to us.

Thank You for growing me to the point where I trust in You enough to know Your guidance and that You'll always provide a way. Help me to always live this concept out, because I do have moments of doubt - yes, I remember I'm human God, but I know I can be better.

Thank You for giving my family the chance to be stable, to be on our feet, and to get ourselves to a good place. This job acceptance isn't just about finances, it's about family attitude and growth as well. Having this position changes more than just our finances - help us to make those changes for the good.

God, I seriously cannot thank You enough. It's hard enough to express the joy I feel right now. Help me to remember this when I feel broken, beat up, and bruised after rough days. I love you Lord. Amen.

In Christ's Love,
~C :)

All in God's Timing - Righteousness like Abraham's

I feel like this has been the story written to our lives in the last 3 years - all in God's timing. I do not feel like it's a coincidence that we studied so in depth the book of Genesis at Bible Study this last year. One major theme that was consistent throughout Genesis - especially from Abraham on - was things happen all in God's timing. I do not feel like it's a coincidence that I decided to start my in depth reading with my new Devo Bible in Romans either.

Abraham had every excuse not to trust God. He was old. Sarah was old. They had been childless in their marriage for a long time. When he finally did have a son with Sarah, God asked him to sacrifice Isaac's life to Him. Yet when God first came to Abraham and told him “Look up at the sky and count the stars—if indeed you can count them.” Then he said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” Gen 15:5 ... Abram believed the Lord, and he credited it to him as righteousness. Gen 15:6

This offspring promised to Abraham didn't come until many years later in the form of the Israelite nation in Egypt - born of his twelve great-grandsons, the sons of Jacob, who was the son of Isaac - Abraham's son. I mean right there, you're looking at 5+ generations before the promise is fulfilled for Abraham. Abraham may have met Jacob and Esau - his grandchildren (I don't know, it's not officially recorded in the Bible and I don't have an official timeline of events in my possession) but it's unlikely he met his great-grandsons - the 12 sons of Jacob. Yet, Gen 15:6, Abram believed the Lord, and he credited it to him as righteousness.

I guess the point I'm trying to make, the issue I'm trying to impress in my feeble mind, is that God's promises are fulfilled in His timing. I hear it so often on this road my family has been walking, that I tend to forget this truth. But I do need the reminders - like yesterday when my deceitful heart reminded me of my incompetence as a teacher when I received word I was officially passed over by GSA as a teacher - I need the gentle touch of God through friends and family member's words that God has the perfect plan for us and it's unfolding each day. But not only do I need the reminders that it is in His timing, I need the reminder to have faith like Abraham, to have my trust counted as righteousness in God.

I will not lie - it's extremely frustrating to not have what I want here at this very second because we have allowed ourselves to become a society that gets what we want at this very second. BUT I can let go of my frustration because I have the hope of Christ in my life and I know that no matter what I want, Christ's plans are much better for my life than anything I could put together.

In Christ's Love
~C-Tay :)

Plans of Hope and a Future

I think the hardest part to being a follower of Christ is learning that what you think is going to happen - you know, all those hard fought for plans you make daily - isn't really what Christ has in store for you.

The last two years, starting in early 2011, Josh and I began to set forth a new route for our lives. I won't rehash most of what my last few posts have been about, but I will point out that whenever we thought we had the right path, God stopped us a few steps in.

Josh and I had begun to make plans for this coming New Year. Our new baby is due the end of January and we had thought that by that time, with certain incomes, I'd be able to finally stay at home and take care of both Ethan and the new one while focusing on some of my dreams - photography, substitute teaching to gain experience most schools want, being home with my children, etc. - but once again we received news that what we had planned wasn't going to work out.

Now most people at this point probably think, "why don't they just give it up?" But let me tell you, every time MY plans have been "crushed" God has provided something bigger and better in its place. Is it hard to swallow? Yes!! I want so badly to live out my dreams! Is it frustrating? You betcha - I'm all about making preparations and getting things ready months before in my head that when things don't go as planned, my hopes get dashed! I just have to remind myself of Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the LORD. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.'"

I'm sad that I will have to go back to work after our new little one is born, but I pray and hold onto the hope that God's plan is to give us the ability to send me home to raise my children.

The Christian walk isn't easy. It is full of obstacles and trials, but the important thing for anyone to remember in this is simply cling on to what God has for you, even if you can't fully understand or see it, because in the end His grace is more than enough than anything of this world. Even if God's plan for me is to never come home, I am redeemed, and that is more than enough than any dream or desire I have for myself.

Prayer Requests:
My morning sickness has begun to waver (thank God!) but I'm still getting sick - pray for complete relief from it.
Josh has been given the opportunity to start working with the youth at our Church, we're building it from the ground up - prayers all around for everyone involved.

In Christ,
~Colleen :)

The Promised Blog Post

Well, I had promised this blog post back in April ... now it's the middle of July. Many apologies... Life seems to have swept us away and kept us very busy.

We had to make some choices. Some difficult decisions for us to say "Okay, God - we're following You and not ourselves". It's still hard some days to wake up and realize this is not where I expected to be.

We started our Support Raising classes in January of this year - they were great. We learned a lot and I feel like we've definitely gained good knowledge on how to have ask for and raise support for the mission field. However, halfway through the training - after discussion with our new coordinator at LAM - we felt like God was telling us to wait for the field and pay off our loans. We didn't feel financially responsible to go for the two years that LAM said they would be okay sending us on and putting all of our student loan debt on hold during that time - accruing more interest which means more debt during that time away. We still pray that God will move in a mighty way to wipe out our debt (or really, let's be honest, maybe just make it more manageable! :D) because we know He can do all things. We finished our Kingdom Come Training classes, and began to discuss our near future.

We had been living with some very dear family friends, people who treat us like their own children, and while they were very hospitable and understanding to our financial situation, we knew it was time for us to move on. We were blessed to find a house that we could rent at a rate affordable to us and it was with our same landlord from our first apartment (and also good family friend!).

We also moved on from First Baptist to a church plant in our city. When we decided it was finally time to move on to somewhere else we talked a lot about where to go. We knew we both enjoyed Family Bible church in Highland, IL and we had some good friends that attended the church (there was also an opening for a youth pastor position that Josh had tried for as well, but God closed the door there - you'll see why soon). Knowing there were so many other churches in our town, I asked Josh if we could visit some of the ones around town and see if there were any here we liked before we settled on the drive to Highland every Sunday. He did his research and we settled on visiting Pathway Church the first week. We left that service feeling so touched and filled spiritually that we knew this was it. As a rule of thumb, we went back to make sure the experience wasn't just a one time thing and we checked out one of their small groups. We haven't looked back since.

We've been so blessed by our new church family. We feel connected to a church again, connected to people and we love it. The cool thing we found out during our membership interviews was that since they're a church plant, they are affliated with NAMB (North America Mission Board). NAMB offers training and internships to those interested in church planting/mission work. Now, if you didn't know, ever since our mission trip to Maryland with the youth back in '08, God put a little fire in Josh's belly for church planting. We also knew there was this possibility when going to Costa Rica to be involved in church planting there also. Needless to say, we began to see why God was closing the screen door (not the whole door because we both still see God leading us to the international mission field) to Costa Rica.

This whole time of processing with LAM and Costa Rica has been one big learning experience - a HUGE stretching from God in following Him, listening to what He wants instead of what we want, knowing that our timing is not always His timing. Like I said earlier, I do believe wholeheartedly that God will one day lead us into the foreign mission field - whether it's Costa Rica or some other country - but right now, He has some more training and learning He wants us to experience while in the US.

I pray that you may open your heart to what God has desired for your life - whether you understand the circumstances at the moment or not - know that God has a bigger plan and purpose. As one of my taglines goes - God knows what He's doing .... Go figure!
I pray that God gives you understanding and peace about whatever situation you are facing right now in your life.

Pray for us in our continued financial struggle
We are also expecting a new little one in January - if you hadn't heard yet!

We love you guys and so does Christ,
~Colleen :)

Get out of that Fish!

"The Lord gave this message to Jonah son of Amittai: 'Get up and go to the great city of Nineveh....' But Jonah got up and went in the opposite direction to get away from the Lord. He went down to the port of Joppa, where he found a ship leaving for Tarshish. He bought a ticket and went on board, hoping to escape from the Lord by sailing to Tarshish." So, Jonah sails. A storm comes. Sailors ask for help from their gods. Jonah comes forth as the reason and is tossed overboard (his idea), the sailors then turn to God. God sends a Fish to swallow him up for 3 days and 3 nights. Jonah prayed - the whole time he was in the Fish. The Fish spits him out. "Then the Lord spoke to Jonah a second time: 'Get up and go to the great city of Nineveh, and deliver the message I have given you.' This time Jonah obeyed the Lord's command and went to Nineveh..." Jonah 1-3

I feel like we've been Jonah. God gave us the direction and we ran from it. When we were first told by LAM that long term ministry in Costa Rica was most likely not an option, we were heartbroken. When we were given the option to still go, but on a short term basis, I (Colleen) felt pitied. I didn't want it. I wanted long term Missions - that's what I said I signed up for. So I ran - with Josh in tow (Ethan didn't get much say lol). I think we both wanted to believe that with everything we had gone through in the last two years in our home-town ministry that God wanted something "bigger" from us than just a "measly" short-term expedition to Costa Rica. So instead of listening to God and His direction, we "sailed" away on our own to get to the long-term, putting off time that could've been spent actually doing what God direction was originally.

Now, like Jonah's running, some good has come from our running as well. While we haven't saved a fleet of sailors aboard a ship, we have started a Marriage Sunday School class to work on building our marriages up instead of tearing them down. We had a college-aged Bible Study happening every week during the summer. We have grown as a couple together and as individuals spiritually in so many ways within this last year as well.

This last weekend was our Mission Conference at church - boy do I love this weekend, I always get a good recharge and God just lays that mission desire so heavily on my heart - anyways, during Sunday's Sermon all I kept hearing from God was "Short-term". Then, as Josh and I drove home from dinner that evening, he says to me "I think I'm going to contact Erika tomorrow about getting the ball rolling with the short-term stuff." WOW! God had obviously been speaking to the both of us since my last post about if our hearts desires were in line with His. Ever since that conversation with Josh on Sunday, God has continuously brought the story of Jonah to my mind. As I sit and meditate on it and think about how God had to tell Jonah twice over to "GO!" I kept hearing Him yell "Get out of that Fish!"

Well, we finally had our meeting with Erika last night. Like, when Jonah admitted to the sailors that it was his God who was angry and it was his fault there was a storm, they threw him overboard for God to deal with him and the storm stopped. So too, it seems, our storm has stopped. The process has started up again, the ball once more rolling as we begin to make preparations and take the necessary steps to go forth on a short-term trip to Costa Rica. God has already blessed the process - we just need to abide in Him through it all.

Praying for you that you may experience all that God has desired for your life like we have been able to so far in ours.

In Christ's Love,
~Colleen :)

Good News?

I've been putting off writing here because I keep hoping for good news to share with you. And as I write this, I realize - no matter our circumstances, I will always have Good News to share with you. Let me tell you a story...

A long time ago, in a country far away from where we live now, a husband and wife were sharing an afternoon snack. Unfortunately for them, this snack turned out to be rotten for their bodies and caused them a great sickness which in turn was passed down from generation to generation. Over time, God sent messages through prophets and those who sought after Him about His plans of redemption from this sickness. While God didn't promise complete healing in this life, He did promise complete healing in the next.

His plan of redemption started out with a baby boy. This little boy was not ordinary by any means, his birth took place in a barn. His childhood he spent in the Jewish synagogues teaching others about God. His adult life was spent traveling over what we know as the Middle East, preaching the healing of our sickness that had been passed down. After about three years of this traveling, the Jewish leaders grew angry and jealous of His teachings and plotted His death (this all goes back to the messages God had sent to the prophets of old about His plans for redemption). The Jewish leaders finally were able to capture this not-so-ordinary man and had Him put to death. Little did they realize, this was all a part of God's plan and in three days, the plan would be complete.

Now that the plan has been executed and completed, it is on our hands completely whether we accept the plan God has set forth. You see, the husband and wife were Adam and Eve. The snack they had that in turn was rotten for the body and caused sickness was a piece of fruit from the Tree of Good and Evil. That sickness is death because of the knowledge of all things good and evil. And that little not-so-ordinary boy who turned into a not-so-ordinary man who was killed for His faith and teachings was Jesus.

Now it's a great thing if you know this story through and through, but it will not give you the redemption God has planned. The Bible tells us that even the demons know God, but that does not mean they are saved. Instead they shudder in His presence (James 2:19). Jesus told us in John 14:6-7 "'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.'"

We have to come to know Jesus fully, as Lord and Savior before we can know and see God. That is something that I (Colleen) struggled with comprehending for a long time. I let other things - mainly guys and relationships - rule my life instead of giving my life to God completely. It wasn't until I realized that by taking my life into my own hands, I was only hurting myself more and ending up right back to square one with God. I was living how I desired, hoping to fit God in as I went, and getting hurt in the process only to fall right back at His feet. It was always a complete circle. I realized that I could avoid that "heartache" if I just trusted and followed God's plans for my life and fit in my own desires as we went along. That choice has been the best choice I've made in my life thus far. Once I made that choice things began to fall into place for my life.

Where we are now, the stalemate we've been experiencing since January, has me questioning whether we're following God's plans for us and fitting our life into His mold or if we're following our own desires and trying to fit God into our mold. I cannot honestly answer that at this moment. The desire to go and work outside of the US in His name is so strong, but I also feel like because of where my heart is with some things that maybe I'm just "running" away from them by leaving the country to do mission work. So it leaves me with this question - will our stalemate not end until I'm no longer "running away"?

Some people may think "I can't believe she's admitting her struggles or doubts" but here's the thing - we should be able to say these things because if you're a believer you can be in prayer for us, you can offer encouragement, and you can hold us accountable to follow after God's desires first. God has really been laying that accountability thing on my heart - why as a body of believer's are we so afraid to do it? Why is there little to no accountability within our church (American Churches in general) today? Jesus was always keeping people accountable - His disciples, the pharisees, the general public. Some people accepted it - they were the ones who continued to follow after Him. And some people denied it - they were the ones who in the end plotted His death.

Even if I'm living by my desires and trying to fit God into our mold, my prayer is and has been to live by His desires and fit our life into His mold. So I ask that you pray that with us, so that if we are living by our mold, God may change it to be His mold.

Remember, there is always good news to share - the Good News of Christ is always something to talk about!

In Christ's Love,
Colleen
 
***If you made it through this whole post and you have questions about the Gospel or any of the other stuff I wrote about, please do not hesitate to contact us! We'd love to talk and share more about Christ with you!***

What is taking so long?

I feel like this is the real answer people are wanting when they ask us where we are in the process. Then as I try and explain what our current situation in the process is, I always get that "Ohhh...." (you know, the one where people are feeling sorry for you but really don't have anything else to say).

Here's the basics - we're going to Costa Rica no matter what once our loans are consolidated. We just don't know if we'll be gone for the long or short term. We both have talked and decided that this is the direction God is leading us, we're just not sure which type of term He's leading us to and we're trusting in Him that we get there. See, no matter what our loans total, I know with all my heart that God will take care of us. He will provide.

How do I know this? Because He has yet to fail me in this area. Every time money has gotten tight and we've had to scrap around, He has blessed us in many ways. Whether it was a refund check or just the simple fact of family members buying us food - or building a basement apartment for us to crash in until we leave - He has provided.

The provisions He has given to us in this last year have not ceased to amaze me. I just wish (a human flesh moment) that we could direct some of those provisions towards our loans, because it is just a headache. How sweeter life would be without the burden of student loans.

Since we won't actually start any support raising until after our consolidation and a portion of our support will be to pay off our monthly balance of student loans anyways we have decided to start a campaign on indiegogo. The way I see it is that if we raise the $90,000 we set our goal to - Awesome, Hurrah, Praise the Lord! If we only raise the $200 that has already been donated - Awesome, Hurrah, Praise the Lord! No matter what amount we have at the end of this campaign, God will have blessed it. Like I said, we know we will already be going to Costa Rica, it's just a matter of a long or short term stay.

With that being said, I'll leave you with two things...
The link to our campaign ....
http://www.indiegogo.com/jctministry
and
Prayer Requests...
1) The Colleen could land a teaching job if it's in God's will for the next year (this will greatly increase our income and help cover the cost of student loans even more so!).
2) That the loan consolidation would come out to Josh and Colleen's desires - hoping it's the same as God's desire.
3) That we continue to be ever conscientious of our spending habits and not over spend when we shouldn't be spending at all.

Love in Christ,
Colleen :)